Assicus meets The Louds
by Eclar1916
Summary: This is a non canon one shot of The Loud Brothers getting an ass whoopin. A shitty parody of Old Town Road is included.


**Thank you all for patiently waiting. While I finish the next chapter of Taking Things Too Far, I've decided to publish a rather over the top one shot of The Loud Brothers getting their asses whipped by Lynn Sr. This isn't canon to the story, but I just wanted to try it out anyway. Enjoy and review.**

* * *

Nine of the ten Loud brothers stand ashamed in the living room. They had just been chewed out by their father, who went upstairs to decide a reasonable punishment. In the hallway, Lynn Sr is shaking his head, trying to fathom everything that happened. "I thought I raised them better than this. The fact that they can just do this to their little sister. What am I gonna do?" He questioned to himself.

"YO!" a voice from behind yelled. Lynn Sr nearly jumped out of his skin. "Behind you, fool." the voice said again. He turned and saw a ghost of a chubby, bald African American man with a greying mustache.

"H-How can I h-he-help you?" Lynn Sr asked shakily.

"From what I just heard, it's you who needs help brotha." The ghost said. "Allow me to introduce myself, I am Assicus Whoopinicus. I help parents of troubled or violent kids deal with them. Now what seems to be the problem?"

"My nine boys beat up their sister and she's in the hospital." Lynn Sr answered. "This isn't like them and I don't know what to do." He sulked.

"Oh, I see. Well I gots just the solution for that. You needs to whoop they asses." Assicus told him.

"WHAT! I'd never beat my kids. Regardless."

"I ain't said nothin about beatin them. I said whoop they asses. See, that's the problem here. You parents these days are afraid of y'all kids. This wouldn't have flown in my day."

"Well, maybe hitting kids was acceptable in your day sir, but there are laws nowadays. People go to jail for that." Lynn added. "They'll take people's kids these days."

"Then allow me to. I'll straighten them out, just like the good ole days, before society lost its balls."

"Uh, I don't know."

"Don't worry, I won't hurt em too bad." Assicus assured. Lynn Sr took a moment to think about it.

"Fine, but be gentle on them." Lynn Sr said, going for a handshake.

"Fool, I'm a ghost. How am I gon' shake yo hand?"

"Sorry."

"Nah, it's cool. Now let me take over." Assicus replied, possessing Lynn Sr. Assicus, now in Lynn Sr's body, grabs a thin leather belt and makes his way downstairs. The Loud brothers stood up straight, ready to accept whatever punishment they are about to receive.

"So, you little nyiggas like to hit girls eh?" Lynn Sr said, but with Assicus's voice. "Well, I'm bout to show y'all what's good. Who's up first?"

The Loud brothers immediately flash confused looks. "What's with Dad's voice?" Loni asked.

"So, y'all scared now huh? Here, I'll pick. Get over here rockstar." Assicus said, pointing towards Luke. Luke slowly steps forward, not knowing what else to do. "So, you like rock music huh? I got another question though: Do you dance?"

"Sometimes. Not normally though." Luke replied.

"Good, cuz I got a dance that I wanna teach ya." Assicus exclaimed before grabbing Luke's wrist and pulling him towards himself. Assicus raised the belt over his head and landed the first lick square on Luke's rear end. He swings and lands several more hits, causing Luke to jump up and down as if he was dancing. "I call this dance The Whoop Dat Ass Jig." Assicus quipped before smacking Luke one last time. "Alright, who's next?"

The Loud brothers immediately began to scatter in different directions. Everyone, except Luke and Lynn Jr run upstairs. Luke is laying on the floor, curled into a ball and weeping. Lynn Jr is running off of walls in the living room.

"So you wanna run huh? Fine by me, nyigga. I ran track in high school." Assicus takes off running after Lynn Jr, who eventually runs into the couch. Unfortunately, he mistimed the jump, thus leaving him bent over on the couch with his rear poking out. "Got that ass now boy." Assicus whips Lynn Jr on the butt thirteen times before letting him fall over the couch. "Who's next?"

* * *

Loki and Loni are hiding in their room. Loki is in the closet, texting his girlfriend, while Loni is standing in the corner of the room with a lampshade over his head. Assicus walks into the room and immediately notices Loni. "You really think I'm dumb nyigga?" Assicus said, lifting the belt and bringing it down onto Loni's thigh. This causes him to fall onto his bed. Assicus proceeds to hit Loni alot more. **WHACK! **"For real, standing in the corner, wearing a-" **WHACK! **"lampshade on yo stupid ass head. Well let me tell you what I'm wearin. I'm wearing my-" **WHACK! **"chase a nyigga down shoes. My-" **WHACK! **"whoop a nyigga's ass sweater. And I'm wearing yo ass out right now." **WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! **"Now take yo dumb ass to bed."

Meanwhile, from in the closet, Loki is now on the phone with his girlfriend. "Babe, Dad has lost it. He is totally out of control." The closet door suddenly flies wide open. "Got ya. Who ya talkin to boo boo bear?" Assicus shrieked.

"N-N-No one." Loki stammered. Assicus drug him out of the closet by his ankle and began to lay into him with the belt. "I heard you nyigga. You was talkin to yo girl. I bet you wanna call the police. Go ahead. I'll whoop they ass too." Assicus hits Loki several more times before walking out of the room. "Another well whooped ass. Now, where's the rest of them boys?"

* * *

Lane and Lars ran into Lars' shared room. They scrambled to find a hiding place. Unfortunately for them, Assicus kicks the door down. "Alright, who wants this ass whoopin next?" Assicus snarked. Lars steps up, "how about I banish you back to whatever dimension of hell you came from?" Lars snapped back.

"Oh yes, I'll go back and take you all with me on the first class cabin of the ass whoopin express. ALL ABOARD! WOO WOO!" Assicus said. Suddenly, Lane pushes Lars into Assicus and tries to make a run for the door. Assicus grabs him easily though. "Nice try nyigga." He yelled, lifting up the belt. **WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! **When it was all said and done, Lane was crying his eyes out like a bitch. Lars stood there, pointing and laughing at his older brother. "Karma's a bitch, huh traitor?" He exclaimed.

"Hold up! What the fuck you just say you little smart ass?" Assicus yelled. He lifts Lars up by the back of his shirt and hangs him on the bunk bed with his back facing the door. "Let's see how funny this is motherfucka." He yanks down Lars' pants and underwear before smacking him repeatedly on the butt, like Rocky Balboa swinging at a punching bag. Lars' rear is tomato red when Assicus is done. "Laugh at that you little trout mouth heathen. Six asses whooped. Three left to whoop. I don't think I need this no more." Assicus said, throwing the belt down.

* * *

Leif, Levi, and Lexx are hiding under the covers in their respective beds. Suddenly, Leif feels an urge. "Lexx, cover me. I gotta pee." Leif tells his twin.

"What, and get my butt whooped too. No way. Tell Levi." Lexx responded crudely.

"I wish you would tell me to walk my elder brother to the bathroom." Levi chimed in.

"Fine, be like that. When he comes for you two, you're both on your own." Leif said, storming off into the hallway alone. He tip toes past each bedroom. "Who needs those two jerks? I'll be fine. They'll get theirs. I'm not scared." Luke and Lane's room door creeks open slowly, scaring Leif into sprinting into the bathroom. and closing the door. Lexx and Levi step out shortly after he goes into the bathroom. "Should we check on him?" Lexx asked.

"Pssh, he'll be fine. Talking all tough like that. He isn't scared remember?" Levi replied coldly. Suddenly, they hear the shower curtain jerk open. "GOT YO ASS BOY!" Assicus yelled. "Glad you pissed beforehand, I was about to beat the piss out of ya. But I'm still spankin that ass." **SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! **Assicus went to work on Leif's rear. Leif is loudly sobbing as each smack connects.

"Are you sure we shouldn't check on him?" Lexx questioned again.

"Are you not hearing that? That could've been us in there too." Levi replied.

"Guess you're right." The bathroom door swings open like the doors to a saloon in a spaghetti western. Assicus stands tall before them, still in Lynn Sr's body. Alright, who's next?" He asked menacingly. Shuddering, Lexx pushes Levi to Assicus' feet. "HIM!" he shouted. Levi stood up, surprised at the betrayal. "Turncoat." he cursed.

"Sorry, every man for himself." Lexx replied, running downstairs. Before Levi could shout further, Assicus picks him up. "You four years old right? Don't worry, I'll go easy on ya." Assicus snarled. He proceeds to spank Levi. And though he only hits him four times, each smack connects with the force of a thunderclap. Assicus then carries him to his room and sits him in a corner. "Remember, you're neva too young to get that ass whooped." He looks out of the window and sees Lexx driving off in his toy jeep. "So that's how he wants to do this?" Assicus told himself. "Don't go nowhere. We'll be right back." he said, gesturing to Levi. Before walking downstairs, he grabs another belt.

* * *

Lexx sped down the street, breathing a sigh of relief. "Why didn't I think of this sooner?" He asked himself. On the radio, the song, Going Out in Style, by Dropkick Murphys is blasting. He excitedly sings the chorus when he sees that the jeep is slowly running out of gas. Luckily, Flip's Food and Fuel is just a few blocks down. He pulls up next to a gas pump. An attendant walks up to him. "Hello, sir. How would you like me to whoop that ass, regular or unleaded?" He asked. It dawned on Lexx that Assicus has possessed the attendant. Before he could run, Assicus grabs him and walks him into a bathroom, covering his mouth so so one could hear him scream. "So you're into music too huh? How about we perform a duet." Assicus said. He begins whooping Lexx with the belt and sings loudly to cover up the crying.

"WELL, I'M GON' TEAR THAT ASS A BRAND NEW HOLE! I'M GONNA, WHACK 'TILL I CAN'T NO MORE! I'M GON' SPANK THAT ASS UNTIL IT'S SWOLE! I'M GONNA WHACK 'TIL I CAN'T NO MORE! I GOT THE BELT IN MY GRASP! SHINED IT ON YOUR ASS! NOW I AM SWINGING, AND HAVING A BLAST! I BET THAT BOOTY'S STINGING! OH, YEAH IT'S STINGING! I BET THAT BOOTY IS STINGING! OH YEAH IT'S STINGING! WELL, I'M GON' TEAR THAT ASS A BRAND NEW HOLE! I'M GONNA, WHACK 'TILL I CAN'T NO MORE! I'M GON WHOOP THAT ASS UNTIL IT'S SORE! I'M GONNA WHACK 'TILL I CAN'T NO MORE!" Assicus walked out of the bathroom and buckled Lexx into the seat of his Jeep. Assicus took the wheel and drove home.

* * *

Lynn Sr woke up laying on the couch. "Wow, I had an awful nightmare. I was possessed by a ghost and driven to hit my kids." He stood up and immediately noticed that the house was eerily quiet. "Boys. Where are you?" He said, standing up and walking up the stairs. As he passed each room, he noticed that the respective inhabitants of that room were laying on their stomachs, crying their eyes out. "Boys, what happened?" He asked, concerned.

"You happened dude." Like replied.

"Yeah, you went crazy and whooped us. You even called us niggas." Lynn added on.

"Bebe heard me getting my ass whooped." Loki chimed in, embarrassed. Lynn Sr felt shame and remorse, despite not remembering anything. He hears the front door open and runs downstairs Upon looking in the doorway, he sees the possessed gas station attendant holding a crying Lexx. He sits him on the couch and Assicus exits his body. The attendant passes out as soon as Assicus exiles himself. "Job well done." He told Lynn Sr. "That'll teach em."

"Job well done? MY SONS CAN'T EVEN SIT ON BECAUSE OF YOU! That wasn't part of the deal." Lynn St fumed.

"Some people don't appreciate help when they get it." Assicus remarked. That was the last straw for Lynn Sr.

"HELP? ALRIGHT, THAT TEARS IT!" Lynn Sr boomed, he went into the kitchen and grabbed the container of salt. When he returned to the door, however, Assicus was gone. "Damnit. One day, I'll get you back for this!" Lynn Sr swore. Meanwhile, Assicus flies above the roof of the house. "Yeah, I wore those asses out. Mission complete. Another family fixed." He says before flying off into the sky.

* * *

**And scene. Tell me what you think. **


End file.
